1. Identify the thesis in your peer’s paper. Is it an effective thesis? Why or why not?

My peer’s thesis is not there yet but it’s coming through because he has good evidence and examples that are part of a great thesis. My peer just needs to put his thesis together. 

2. How has your peer used evidence from the text to support their argument? Have they chosen relevant evidence? Why or why not?

My peer has used evidence that supports what he is trying to demonstrate throughout the assignment. He has chosen relevant evidence because it proves his point that Jewish immigrants went through a lot. 

3. Does your peer’s paper adequately address the assignment prompt?

It does address the assignment prompt, however, he needs to summarize less the reading. 

4. Evaluate your peer’s conclusion.  How could the conclusion be strengthened?

Maybe my peer can use himself in order to show how immigrants have it difficult when they get to America.

1. The strongest aspect of this piece is the story that Daniel’s mom is telling about her experience in Cambodia. So the details.
2. Yes the writer has included concrete, sensory details when he writes about the way his mom felt when being awoken by her father to escape and also when she got to America.
3. This narrative can be strengthened by adding more about how his mother felt and what happened after she got to the Bronx and it’s positive and negative. 
4. What I need to change is the wording and make it more fluent. Add a better introduction. Add more sophisticated words. Add on to the conclusion put in powerful sentences.

Be the change you wish to see in writing

Throughout my years in school, I have had to write many essays and papers. Some were easy to write and some weren’t. The papers most difficult for me to write were the ones where I had to lift evidence and analyze those evidence. It was hard for me because sometimes when “analyzing” evidence I would just recap what the evidence said. I have improved my writing my many ways such as in my punctuation, analyzing, and peer-reviewing.

My punctuation even though I’m working on it is still not my best. Sometimes I put too many commas and don’t know where they go. For example in my first paper the Immigration Narrative I wrote “She works in a salon. Sometimes she goes to work at 7 am and comes back home at 11 pm and the next day wakes up at 8 am to go back to work.” I feel that after salon instead of a period a comma should go there, but I’m not completely sure. In my Reply Paper, I write, “Moms have a special intuition, they know how we feel and when things are wrong.” In this sentence, I am not sure what goes between “intuition” and “they” if a comma, a colon, or a semicolon. 

As I’ve said, analyzing has always been a struggle for me in writing, I tend to rephrase what the evidence is saying. On the other hand, this semester I have learned how to analyze my evidence. 

In college, I have learned how to peer review. Peer reviewing was very hard for me because I didn’t very focus much or didn’t know the purpose of it if the teacher was going to end up reviewing it. Now I have learned that peer review is important because this way for me to view the different perspectives of my work and also allows me to get new ideas and make my essay better.  In my first peer review of this semester, I had the question “What is the strongest aspect of this piece? Which parts work well?” I said, “The strongest aspect of this piece is the story that Daniel’s mom is telling about her experience in Cambodia. So the details.” instead of going more into depth and saying something like that the strongest aspect of this piece was his use of sensory details and the way he knew how to connect it to this mean point. In my latest peer review you can see that the question I got was: “Evaluate your peer’s thesis.  Is it a strong thesis? Why or why not?” and my answer was “My peer’s thesis has a very good idea but it is too broad. She should make it more specific.” This conveys how unlike my first peer review I answered the question correctly and when straight to the point. In that same peer review I got the question, “Evaluate the evidence presented in the paper to support the thesis.  Is the evidence sufficient? Have quotations been adequately explained?” for this question I stated, “The evidence is sufficient and I really loved how she quoted and analyzed each point.” In this case, I showed my peer what I liked and felt would make their paper great. 

Looking back at the things that have changed is good. In life, in academics, and in general. We learn a lot about ourselves. My writing changes every day because every day I am learning something new about writing. Sometimes things will change and some things I will just have to work on. Some of my struggles in writing are/were peer-reviewing, punctuation, and analyzing; however, working and practicing them will help me improve and become a better writer. In addition, it is very important to see where you are needing help and find that help either with your professors or online, there are many options for help.

FIRST DRAFT OF RESEARCH PAPER

Yiddish Theater and Poetry Causing Change in Rights

Jewish immigrants make up a large part of New York’s population. Jewish immigrants suffered to have the rights that they deserved due to not having the motivation. One motivation for Jewish immigrants to speak out was Yiddish poetry. Yiddish poetry was a big eye-opener for Jewish immigrants. Yiddish poets wrote about the sufferings of Jewish immigrants and made people Jewish immigrants realize the injustice that they went through at work, and the way they lived in. Yiddish poetry of the early 20th c. functioned as a call to action for Jewish immigrants. Many of the Yiddish poems were written by Jewish immigrants. They used imagery in their poems to show the hardships that Jewish immigrants went through and how that made them be counted. In the poem Autum written in the 1920s Anna Margolin says: Heavy autumn, heavy steps, I am old. Dark heart of mine, don’t curse, believe in miracles: Somewhere in the world, in a city I am flowering like a lily. (Margolin 4-8)The imagery “Dark heart of mine, don’t curse,” delivers how Anna Margolin displays that JewishImmigrants were tired of all the injustice but deep down they wanted to “believe in miracles:” like “flowering like a lily”. Therefore, “flowering like a lily” meaning that there would be change in their rights. Margolin writes in here poem Autumn:I think that the earth in her desire to turn has transformed us into stones. (Margolin 12-15) Anna is emphizing that Jewish immigrants were “stones” because they didn’t do anything to change they way they lived and to change and improve their rights. Some Yiddish poetry poets used criticism in order to call for action. Mani Leyb in the poem Hush writes:We will bend down very low To the hard floor, and then will Stand more quiet than before, Stiller, stiller and more still (Mani Leyb 21-24)Mani Leyb conveys how Jewish Immigrants “stand more quiet than before” meaning that Jewish immigrants didn’t speak out for their rights. The word “quiet” really emphasizes how Jewish immigrants did not speak out. Anna Margolin in the poem Autumn writes: See how a naked branch with a leaf flowers from the asphalt, gentle as a lily. (Margolin 3-4) Anna establishes that Jewish Immigrants “flowers from the asphalt” as “gentle as a lily” meaning that there was change happening among Jewish Immigrants trying to stand up for their rights however, it was happing very slowly. In addition, Margolin is criticizing how slow JewishImmigrants took in order to finally realize that they had to do something.In the poem The Street Drummer by Moyshe-Layb Halpern, Halpern writes

REFLECTION REPLY PAPER

What I felt when completing this assignment was a joy because I was a little bit stressed when writing it. It was stressful because I had to look for a good thesis statement that relates to both readings that I used. Some obstacles for me were connecting my thesis statement with the evidence; It was hard for me to connect my thesis statement with the organization of the paper as well. In addition, another challenge was the MLA format because of the citation and because I had never written a paper in that format. What came most easily for me after I finger out my thesis statement and how to connect with my evidence, was finding evidence and the explanation. Compared to the other assignment we had it was harder to do because in the other assignment we didn’t have to look for evidence in reading or online because it was something that we were writing from our perspective. Furthermore, what I did like about this paper was that once you get the hang of it you want to keep writing because, in reality, the topic is very instead. The way I connected both the poem “The Golden Land” by Halpern and “Health conditions of immigrant Jews on the Lower East Side of New York:1880-1914” by Deborah Dwork to then make a big topic. Writing this paper also helped me understand more what was going on with the JewishImmgrant community, back then in New York City. To add on, connecting the readings to what we discussed in class was a bit challenging but I like it because I got a chance to research other sources that were not the reading I choose. This paper also helped me in what I needed to do in order to concentrate because I left the paper at the last minute and I didn’t work on it how I was supposed to at first. However, now I know that I have to put my phone aside and even turn it falls inorder to work hard on my paper and to feel confident about my work

REPLY PAPER

Jewish Immigrants in New York

In her text Health conditions of immigrant Jews on the Lower East Side of New York:1880-1914, written January of 1981, Deborah Dwork firmly conveys the terrible situation that Jewish immigrants living in New York went through. Jewish Immigrants preferred living in unfortunate health and living conditions and being exploited because they didn’t want the people back home to be worried about them. Jewish immigrant Dwork talks about the conditions in which Jewish immigrants lived. She starts the text by stating the reason why Jews had to migrate to the United States of America and the number of people that migrated. Many Jews came to America to get a better life in terms of financial stability, and refuge. Prior to their arrival Jews thought that America was a wonderland, that things were given easily, and that there was lots of gold. Furthermore, it wasn’t how they imagined, when they got to New York City things got difficult. Deborah Dwork’s text relates to the poem In the Golden Land by Moyshe-Leyb Halpern; published in 1924. The poem is about a mother and her son. He migrated to the “golden land” (United States of America) and she was left behind. The son tells his mom all the good things of the “golden land” and that he is okay when he actually isn’t. The poem In theGolden Land relates to Health conditions of immigrant Jews on the Lower East Side of NewYork:1880-1914 because the Jews that came to New York thought that gold was going to roll in the streets, meaning that things were going to be easy. In the poem In the Golden Land I can feel here, you have not enough bread–In the Golden Land you aren’t properly fed.–Mama, oh mama can you not see That here they throw bread into sea, (Halpern lines 7-10)This successfully conveys that things are not as they seem. Moms have a special intuition, they know how we feel and when things are wrong. Many Jewish immigrants were living terribly. Some didn’t eat while, felt sick, and felt tired, but wanted to make their family think that they were okay because they were getting more money than where they were. The conditions that Jewish immigrants lived in were not the best. They lived in tenements where rats and roaches slept in the beds with the people. “Our tenement was nothing but a junk-heap rotten lumber and brick” (Dwork 8). In addition, on top of the tenements falling down because the walls were rotten, the rent was high. Jewish immigrants living in unsanitary conditions in New York led to many diseases “During the preceding year (1899), thirteen cases of diphtheria had been reported to the Health Department; during the past five years (1895-1900), thirty-two cases of tuberculosis had been reported.” (8). On the other hand, Jewish Immigrants didn’t tell the people back home what they were going through. In the poem In the Golden Land:–I don’t know, my son, but my hearts cries: Your face looks dark as the night’s skies, Your eyelids close, your head on your chest, Like the eyes of a man dying for rest.–Mama, oh mama, haven’t you heard Of trains racing under the earth, That drag us from bed at break of dawn And late at night bring us back home. (Halpern lines 13-20)In these stances, we can see how the mother notices that her son is not well; that he is getting sick and is tired, however, the son tries to distract his mother by telling her the good things about the city. In class, we talked about the triangle shirtwaist company factory fire where 146 workers died due to safety negligence in the factory. “most of the victims died as a result of neglected safety features and locked doors within the factory building.” (History.com editors 1) Jewish immigrants worked up to 15 hours, were treated badly, and got paid less than $20 a week. In addition, they didn’t have brakes at work. Many family members of Jewish immigrants didna know that they worked that much, to just get paid a bit of money that didn’t even afford them to buy food. In the poem In the Golden Land:–I don’t know, my son, but my heart is wrung: I sent you away healthy and young– (lines 21-22) The mother is saying that her son looked better when he was back home. She doesn’t understand why her son is so sick and old if the streets are made out of cheese and there are no cats; meaning that there is gold and nobody to exploit him. In class, we saw a scene in the animated film an American Tail by David Kirschner where mice were the Jewish immigrants migrating to America. In the scene, the mice say that in America they are going to be okay because the streets are made out of cheese and there are no cats.While Jewish immigrants were getting exploited and sick because of the dangerous conditions that they lived in, family members back home never knew what was going on because everything was always “good”. Both Dwork’s text and Halpern’s poem strongly convey the challenges that Jewish immigrants faced in New York City with shelter, finance, health, and not letting their family but home worry. Sometimes we lie to our loved ones so that they don’t worry for us. Learn how to appreciate troughs people that do care and are always there for us.Citation: Dwork, Deborah. “Health Conditions of Immigrant Jews on the Lower East Side of New York:1880–1914.” Medical History, vol. 25, no. 1, 1981, pp. 1–40. Crossref,doi:10.1017/s0025727300034086.History.com Editors. “Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire.” History.com, A&E Television Networks,2 Dec. 2009, https://www.history.com/topics/early-20th-century-us/triangle-shirtwaist-fire.Bluth, D. (1986). An American Tail.

First Draft Reply Paper

Jewish Immigrants in New YorkIn her text “Health conditions of immigrant Jews on the Lower East Side of NewYork:1880-1914,” written January of 1981, Deborah Dwork firmly conveys the terrible situation that Jewish immigrants living in New York went through. Dwork talks about the conditions in which Jews lived. She starts the text by stating the reason why Jews had to migrate to the United States of America and the amount of people that migrated. The conditions that Jewish immigrants lived in were not the best. They lived in tenements where rats and roaches slept in the beds with the people. There was only one bathroom for the whole block. In the text Deborah Dwork pg 8 states, “Our tenement was nothing but a junk-heap rotten lumber and brick”. In addition, on top of the tenements falling down because the walls were rotten, the rent was high. Jews unsanitary style of living in New York led to many diseases. In page8 it states, “During the preceding year (1899), thirteen cases of diphtheria had been reported to the Health Department; during the past five years (1895-1900), thirty-two cases of tuberculosis had been reported”. The quote shows the diseases that arose because of all those families living together in terrible sanitary conditions. Many Jews came to America to get a better life in terms of money, living, and emotionally. Jews thought that America was a wonderland, that things were given easy, and that there was a lot of everything. Furthermore, it wasn’t how they imagined, when they got to New York City things got difficult. The streets were not made out of cheese. Deborah Dwork’s text relates to the poem In the Golden Land which we read in class. The poem is about a mother and her son. He migrated to the “golden land” (United States of America) and she was left behind. The son tells his mom all the good things of the golden land and that he is okay, when he actually isn’t.The poem In the Golden Land relates to “Health conditions of immigrant Jews on the Lower East Side of New York:1880-1914,” because the Jews that came to New York thought that gold was going to roll in the street meaning that things were going to be easy. In poem In the Golden Land: I can feel here, you have not enough bread–In the Golden Land you aren’t properly fed.–Mama, oh mama can you not seeThat here they throw bread into sea, (Halpern lines 7-10)This successfully conveys that things are not as they seem. Moms have a special intuition, they know how we feel and when things are wrong. Many Jewish immigrants were living terribly. Some didn’t eat while, felt sick, and felt tired but wanted to make their family think that they were okay because they were getting more money than where they were.

In the Dominican Republic my parents had a wonderful life, full of nature and happiness all round, however there was one thing that was always missing and that was money.  My parents are immigrants from the Dominican Republic. My father came to the United States 50 years ago, my Grandma brought him, his brothers, and sisters. Then Papi brought my mother. She didn’t have anyone here in America, only her husband. After 2 years in the country my mom had me. My dad knew how to speak a little English but not enough to teach me. Maria (mom) didn’t know a word in English. Mami has family members in the Dominican Republic that she sends money to. She works in a salon. Sometimes she goes to work at 7 am and comes back home at 11pm and the next day wakes up at 8 am to go back to work. When I was little she had to get someone to take care of me because she was too busy. The only day that my mom was free was Tuesday and she used it to clean and do things that she had to do, pero aun asi I loved and still love Tuesdays. I remember going somewhere with my mom and having to translate with my shyness. Sometimes we would go on and on “no, you tell her” “Mami you tell her, maybe she knows Spanish” and the cashier looking at us crazy.  

My first language is Spanish. I learned English in school and I only spoke English in school. It was hard for me to read because I would get confused or not know the word. I would think, “Why was I born in New York if I can’t read and speak correctly”. Kids in school were mean, they would laugh at me for not knowing how to say a word correctly. My dad knew a little bit of English and the words he would say I would repeat them the same way, but he used to say it with an accent and sometimes it was incorrect. 

One day I was reading a text in class about baseball. I was very excited because I love baseball. I kept reading and instead of saying “yankees” the way you’re supposed to say it, I said “yankees” the way my dad says it, which you should know that it’s with a strong Dominican accent. I kept reading and I heard laughing and people speaking while I was continuing the reading. Then my “friend” repeated the word “yankees” the way I said it three times, “yannnnkees” “yannnnkees” yannnnkees” and laughing. I felt heat coming up from my feet to my head. I wanted to hide but at the same time speak up. But I was too shy and scared to disrespect anyone. I was angry that I couldn’t defend myself. Most people in the class were laughing. The teacher was laughing but hiding his face. He thought that I didn’t see him. There were many times that this happened and the saddest part was that the people who said something or laughed were the people who were in the same situation as me or had family members that didn’t know the language.

Immigrants and their children have it hard anywhere they migrate to because the different languages that they are exposed to, take time for the person to learn. Also it is harder for people that work and have kids, especially if they have no family member to be there with them. Immigrants from all over the world have to unite to make our lives easier and feel more at home. Remember to be nice to people because you don’t know what they are living and the problems that they have. 

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